Oh hey. I'm maggie.
I'm simultaneouly intimidated and excited by tumblr.
Man: Hello, I'd like to report a mugging.
Officer: A mugging, eh? Where did it take place?
Man: I was walking by 21st and Dundritch Street and a man pulled out a gun and said, "Give me all your money."
Officer: And did you?
Man: Yes, I co-operated.
Officer: So you willingly gave the man your money without fighting back, calling for help or trying to escape?
Man: Well, yes, but I was terrified. I thought he was going to kill me!
Officer: Mmm. But you did co-operate with him. And I've been informed that you're quite a philanthropist, too.
Man: I give to charity, yes.
Officer: So you like to give money away. You make a habit of giving money away.
Man: What does that have to do with this situation?
Officer: You knowingly walked down Dundritch Street in your suit when everyone knows you like to give away money, and then you didn't fight back. It sounds like you gave money to someone, but now you're having after-donation regret. Tell me, do you really want to ruin his life because of your mistake?
Man: This is ridiculous!
Officer: This is a rape analogy. This is what women face every single day when they try to bring their rapists to justice.
Man: Fuck the patriarchy.
Maddie: “Is he gay?”
Me: “Maddie. He’s a man who sews.”
Maddie: “Yeah, but still…”
Me: “He’s a MAN who SEWS.”
This is my neighbor at home. And she posted it on facebook. Cool.
So now that I’m in LA I have so little to bitch about that I’ve sort of fallen off tumblr…
Current recreational intellectual pursuit- Trying to come up with words that blend well with “texting”.
Perplexting- Texting in the midst of confusion
Flexting- Texting pictures of one’s muscles
Correxting- Correcting someone’s text grammar
Nexting- Breaking up over text message, or just texting about the show Next
Annorexting- Sending pictures of food you are not planning on eating
Complexting- Texting extremely complicated descriptions
Erexting- Penis picture texts a la Anthony Weiner
Vortexting- A text conversation you can’t get out of
Dexting- Texting about your obsession with the show Dexter
To be continued.
So I’ve been back in Lompoc for 6 weeks now. To be honest, I moved back fully expecting to be oppressed by the conservitos and to be misunderstood by my parents. And basically none of that happened, and I was just bored.
Yesterday, on my LAST day of work, some asshole told me that rugby was a “man’s sport”. I tried to reply cheekily with a “Sorry sir, I don’t believe in that”. He then told me he wouldn’t play rugby on the men’s team with “those fags”.
That doesn’t even make sense. Fuck you asshole.
But you know what? I don’t even care. I’m just EXCITED!!
BECAUSE KEVIN AND CLARA ARE GOING TO BE HERE IN 20 MINUTES! AND TOMORROW I’M MOVING TO L.A. FOR THE MONTH OF JULY!
The good thing about planning two workouts in my day: When I blow off the first to eat fishies and ice cream and watch 30 Rock in my pajamas, I don’t feel nearly as bad about it.
Yeah, it was before 10am. Don’t judge me.